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I don't want to grow up...

Where do I even begin....I have so many thoughts running through my head that I think I should be institutionalized.
This weekend was nice. I visited Emily's hometown, and we ate lunch and toured Newark. Little Puerto Rico..heh.
Well, saturday night, Matt, Nate, Danielle, and myself all went out to dinner and then to the movies. Nate and Danielle are engaged, and have been since Christmas, so it's not weird. I just now am thinking about the conversation topics I've had with people; for example, with Danielle, we talked about her wedding dress. Meanwhile, Dan, Matt's crazy housemate keeps calling me Mrs. Klosner. I feel so awful, but, deep down, I feel different. When I was younger, I would dream about my wedding day...yippee fun times. Now, it's the opposite. I have no desire to get married. I guess my emotions are like a one-woman circus and vary from day to day; but it seems my general consensus as of late is that of "no marriage." I don't even want kids anymore. I feel so selfish right now.
After graduation I started thinking a lot about what I have and have not done. Do I even still want to be a teacher? On the way home from Rochester, I was talking with my sister; at that point we both agreed that life seemed like a pile of crap for both of us. Now it's like I want to rebel against the very things I have worked so hard for over the past half decade...

I guess I'm burnt out. I need a vacation. Some beach, at some resort, in some far off country. That sounds nice.

PeACE one.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
italiansweetie
Jun. 7th, 2006 12:42 am (UTC)
i think it's the 20-something curse. most people (except the crazy girls who are so desperate for love they have already gotten married) feel the same way. I know I do. it's like, I see myself probably getting married and having kids but I'm not ready to have anyone depend on me like that. and I question this whole teaching thing every other day. I know that's what I'll end up doing but I don't think I'll really know until I get out there and try it.

don't worry, the only thing you need to be by the age off 22 is yourself.

glad you had fun in newark and thanks again for lunch and my present! it was really good to see you and I can't wait til the fall.
ssauter9
Jun. 7th, 2006 01:59 am (UTC)
Maybe it is the 20-something curse. I wouldn't be the least bit shocked. The sad thing is, when I tell Matt how selfish I feel not wanting kids, or marriage, I think he thinks I'm joking...like I'm trying to reel him in or something.

Strange.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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